Tag: relationships

It’s Thanksgiving Stupid: The reason you can’t stay happy

The reason you aren’t happy might surprise you.

You can’t be a happy soul if you aren’t appreciative, and you can’t be a great person if you aren’t grateful. Almost everything harmonious flows from gratitude, and almost everything terrible streams from thoughtlessness.

Let’s begin with ingratitude.

Here’s a proclamation of life: callousness guarantees unhappiness. It is as easy as that. There isn’t an ungrateful happy person on the planet. And there isn’t an ungrateful reasonable person on Earth. There are two understandings.

 

Reason one is always feeling victimized.

Ungratefulness always leads to or comes from victimhood. Ungrateful people—by definition—think of themselves as victims. And perceiving oneself as a victim or perceiving oneself as a member of a victim group may be the single most significant reason people hurt other people—from hurtful comments to mass murder. Somebody who thinks of themselves as victims tends to believe that because they’ve done maltreated by others, they can hurt others.

And the following reason selfish people aren’t good people is that rudeness is always followed by fury. The careless are angry, and angry people lash out at others. If ingratitude makes people unhappy, then gratitude provides people happiness.

Think of the times you ought felt most grateful—were they not always accompanied by a feeling of satisfaction? Weren’t they also tailgated by a longing to be kinder to other people? The explanation, of course, is yes. Grateful personalities aren’t angry, and they also don’t see themselves as sufferers.

The problem, however—and it’s a big one, is that in U.S and much of the rest of the world, people are growing less grateful.

How?? Because people are always told that they are entitled to things they haven’t earned—what are perceived as “perks” or “entitlements.” And the more stuff that people believe they should get, the less grateful they will be for whatever they do get. And the angrier—and therefore unhappy—they will be if people don’t get them.

Here are two rules of life.

Rule number one: The less you feel entitled to, the more gratitude you will feel for whatever you get and the happier you will be.
Rule number two: The more you feel entitled to, the less fortunate you will be. That’s why, for example, kids who get whatever people want are usually less happy kids. We have a name for such children: spoiled. And no one thinks of a spoiled child as a happy child, and probably not a kind one.

The more that you feel that life or society owes you, the angrier you will get, the less happy you will be. As a result, we are raising the number of angry, unhappy, and selfish people. The other way we are making people miserable, and even meaner, is by cultivating a sense of victimhood. People are always told that they are victims because of their upbringing, because of past prejudice against their group, because of material inequality, because they are female, and for many other reasons.

Next time you want to assess any social policy, ask this question first: Will this policy increase or decrease gratitude among people? You will then know whether it is something that will bring more goodness and happiness to the world—or less.

If I were allowed one wish, it would be that all people be grateful. Gratitude is the source of happiness, and the source of goodness; and the more good people, and the more happy people there are walking around, the more comfortable and better our world will be.

Read this when feeling down: “Desiderata” will always pick you up when times are tough

 

 

Desiderata

 

 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

 

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

 

As far as possible without surrender

 

be on good terms with all persons.

 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

 

and listen to others,

 

even the dull and the ignorant;

 

they too have their story.

 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

 

they are vexations to the spirit.

 

If you compare yourself with others,

 

you may become vain or bitter;

 

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

 

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

 

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

 

Exercise caution in your business affairs;

 

for the world is full of trickery.

 

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

 

many persons strive for high ideals;

 

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 

Be yourself.

 

Especially, do not feign affection.

 

Neither be cynical about love;

 

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment

 

it is as perennial as the grass.

 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

 

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

 

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

 

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

 

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

 

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

 

be gentle with yourself.

 

You are a child of the universe,

 

no less than the trees and the stars;

 

you have a right to be here.

 

And whether or not it is clear to you,

 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

 

Therefore be at peace with God,

 

whatever you conceive Him to be,

 

and whatever your labors and aspirations,

 

in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

 

it is still a beautiful world.

 

Be cheerful.

 

Strive to be happy.

 

-Max Ehrmann

Radio Silence: The No-Contact Rule is a Full Proof Method to Move Forward after a Break-Up

The purpose to involve the no contact rule is to relax your brain including your heart time to detox from the relationship including getting a quick breather. You’re releasing yourself to undergo what it’s like to live life without him or her – and giving yourself restraint and outlook on the relationship.

The rationale why this attitude and healing is so critical is that if you desire your ex back, you can’t just pursue him or her immediately after the relationship expires – it makes you appear destitute and desperate.

How Long Should No Contact Last?

There’s not hard and fast rule – it depends on the severity and the span of the relationship.

I like to use this rule: for each month of the relationship, you should be performing a week of no contact – following to a culmination of 8 weeks and with a minimum of 3 weeks.

That means if you were dating for five months, your no contact period would last five weeks. If you were just dating a month, your no contact period would still be for three weeks.

Going no contact means

No telephone calls
No accidentally observing them
No instant messages
No Facebook messages
No text messaging
No begging a shared friend to give them a message
No status updates or social media posts focused on them

What Happens If I Violate No Contact?

If you make a blunder and wind up talking your ex – there’s nothing to be done but starting the no-contact period over again.

Only time will let the agony of the breakup fade and allow them to start missing you again. If you contact them– you restart the no contact timer.

Plus, it’s about recognizing that you can live your life without him/her in it. If you can live without them for four weeks, you’ve proved it to yourself. Contacting him/her in the middle upsets all the hard work you’ve done and starts you back at square one.

Why the No-Contact Rule Works

While you cut off communication with them, you give yourself opportunity and space to handle the breakup and push on.

And when you demonstrate to yourself that you can live your life without him or her, you immediately become way more appealing to them.

Consider it this way – when you first got together, you weren’t begging him or her to be by you, and feeling like you were unable to live your life without them.

You were experiencing your life the way you wanted to, and they were an excellent bonus to your life that made your life stable.

That’s something attracted him to you in the first place – that you didn’t require them to be content, and that your life was excellent without them in it.

The no contact law gets you back to that place, where your life is fine without them in it, and you don’t need them to be comfortable. That is what will make him or her re-attracted to you after the no contact stage is over.

There are loads of contradictory feelings after a breakup, for both individuals. Most of the time, in the days following a breakup, all that they can remember about are the negatives of your relationship.

The no communication rule is designed to give them the time and space to get beyond all the negatives from your relationship and recapture what they miss about it. To remember all the positives, all the things that they yearn for you.

If you talk to them, you defeat all that processing and time allocated disremembering the negatives and recognizing the positives – especially if your connection with him is bitter, angry, or cynical. All that does is remind them how you broke up – and start the clock over.

When you give them space, they will notice the hole you left in their life when you two broke up – and they typically want to get you back to satisfy that void. They begin to crave all the little things that were good about your relationship, and not having any association with you will only make them miss you more.

That’s the essence of the no contact rule, and the basis why it works so well. If you take it earnestly and follow the rules, you put yourself in the best place to get your ex back and keep them or keep them away from you forever.