The purpose to involve the no contact rule is to relax your brain including your heart time to detox from the relationship including getting a quick breather. You’re releasing yourself to undergo what it’s like to live life without him or her – and giving yourself restraint and outlook on the relationship.
The rationale why this attitude and healing is so critical is that if you desire your ex back, you can’t just pursue him or her immediately after the relationship expires – it makes you appear destitute and desperate.
How Long Should No Contact Last?
There’s not hard and fast rule – it depends on the severity and the span of the relationship.
I like to use this rule: for each month of the relationship, you should be performing a week of no contact – following to a culmination of 8 weeks and with a minimum of 3 weeks.
That means if you were dating for five months, your no contact period would last five weeks. If you were just dating a month, your no contact period would still be for three weeks.
Going no contact means
No telephone calls
No accidentally observing them
No instant messages
No Facebook messages
No text messaging
No begging a shared friend to give them a message
No status updates or social media posts focused on them
What Happens If I Violate No Contact?
If you make a blunder and wind up talking your ex – there’s nothing to be done but starting the no-contact period over again.
Only time will let the agony of the breakup fade and allow them to start missing you again. If you contact them– you restart the no contact timer.
Plus, it’s about recognizing that you can live your life without him/her in it. If you can live without them for four weeks, you’ve proved it to yourself. Contacting him/her in the middle upsets all the hard work you’ve done and starts you back at square one.
Why the No-Contact Rule Works
While you cut off communication with them, you give yourself opportunity and space to handle the breakup and push on.
And when you demonstrate to yourself that you can live your life without him or her, you immediately become way more appealing to them.
Consider it this way – when you first got together, you weren’t begging him or her to be by you, and feeling like you were unable to live your life without them.
You were experiencing your life the way you wanted to, and they were an excellent bonus to your life that made your life stable.
That’s something attracted him to you in the first place – that you didn’t require them to be content, and that your life was excellent without them in it.
The no contact law gets you back to that place, where your life is fine without them in it, and you don’t need them to be comfortable. That is what will make him or her re-attracted to you after the no contact stage is over.
There are loads of contradictory feelings after a breakup, for both individuals. Most of the time, in the days following a breakup, all that they can remember about are the negatives of your relationship.
The no communication rule is designed to give them the time and space to get beyond all the negatives from your relationship and recapture what they miss about it. To remember all the positives, all the things that they yearn for you.
If you talk to them, you defeat all that processing and time allocated disremembering the negatives and recognizing the positives – especially if your connection with him is bitter, angry, or cynical. All that does is remind them how you broke up – and start the clock over.
When you give them space, they will notice the hole you left in their life when you two broke up – and they typically want to get you back to satisfy that void. They begin to crave all the little things that were good about your relationship, and not having any association with you will only make them miss you more.
That’s the essence of the no contact rule, and the basis why it works so well. If you take it earnestly and follow the rules, you put yourself in the best place to get your ex back and keep them or keep them away from you forever.